Quick answer: Use ourselves when the subject “we” performs an action on the same group (reflexive). Use each other when members of a group perform actions on one another (reciprocal). They are not interchangeable.
I have spent fifteen years editing manuscripts, corporate communications, and academic papers, and I see this specific confusion constantly. Writers often swap ourselves and each other because both involve groups of people, but they serve fundamentally different grammatical functions. Using the wrong one doesn’t just sound awkward; it changes the meaning of your sentence entirely. If you say, “We hurt ourselves,” you imply self-inflicted harm. If you say, “We hurt each other,” you imply mutual conflict. Getting this right is essential for clear, professional communication.
| Term | Meaning / When to use | Example sentence |
|---|---|---|
| Ourselves | Reflexive pronoun: Used when “we” is the subject and the object is the same group. | We prepared ourselves for the long meeting. |
| Each other | Reciprocal pronoun: Used when individuals in a group act upon one another. | We congratulated each other on the promotion. |
When to use ourselves
Ourselves is a reflexive pronoun. In English grammar, reflexive pronouns end in -self or -selves and refer back to the subject of the clause. You use ourselves only when the subject of the sentence is “we” (or a noun phrase that includes “we”) and the action reflects back onto that same group.
Think of it as a mirror. The action starts with us and ends with us. There is no external target. reflexive pronouns like ourselves are required when the object of the verb is identical to the subject. If you remove ourselves, the sentence often feels incomplete or changes meaning significantly.
Here are three concrete examples where ourselves is the only correct choice:
- In a project post-mortem email: “We blamed ourselves for the missed deadline.” (We did the blaming, and we were the ones blamed. It was internal.)
- In a team-building context: “We need to ask ourselves if this strategy is still viable.” (The questioning is internal to the group.)
- In a personal narrative: “We found ourselves lost in the city center without a map.” (The state of being lost applies to the group collectively.)
Note that you cannot use ourselves if the subject is not “we.” For example, “They helped ourselves” is grammatically incorrect. The subject must match the reflexive pronoun.
When to use each other
Each other is a reciprocal pronoun. It indicates a mutual relationship or action between two or more people. Unlike ourselves, which keeps the action within the single unit of “we,” each other distributes the action among the individuals in the group. Person A acts on Person B, and Person B acts on Person A.
This distinction is crucial in social and professional contexts. When you describe interactions, collaboration, or conflict between individuals, you almost always want each other. The concept of reciprocity is deeply rooted in how we define social bonds. As noted in linguistic discussions regarding the other, the distinction between self and other is fundamental to human interaction, and language reflects this through reciprocal pronouns.
Here are three realistic scenarios where each other is the correct choice:
- In a wedding toast: “We promised to support each other through all of life’s challenges.” (I support you, and you support me.)
- In a performance review: “The team members critiqued each other’s code to improve quality.” (Peer-to-peer review, not self-review.)
- In a text message to a friend: “We haven’t seen each other in months!” (I haven’t seen you, and you haven’t seen me.)
A common mistake is using ourselves in these contexts. “We supported ourselves” would mean the group was self-sufficient, not that they helped one another. “We critiqued ourselves” would mean everyone looked at their own work, not their colleagues’ work. The difference is subtle but vital.
How to remember the difference
The easiest way to keep these straight is to use the “Mirror vs. Bridge” mnemonic.
- Ourselves is a Mirror: Imagine the group “we” looking into a mirror. The reflection is still “us.” The action bounces back. If you can replace the pronoun with “us” and the sentence still makes logical sense (though it may be less emphatic), ourselves is likely correct. Example: “We saw ourselves/us in the mirror.”
- Each Other is a Bridge: Imagine a bridge connecting two people. The action travels from one side to the other. If you can rephrase the sentence as “Person A did X to Person B, and Person B did X to Person A,” then you need each other.
Another editor-level trick is the “Substitution Test.” Try replacing the pronoun with “one another.”
- If “We helped one another” sounds right, use each other.
- If “We helped one another” sounds wrong (because you meant we helped our collective self), use ourselves.
Note: Each other is traditionally used for two people, and one another for three or more, but in modern English, they are largely interchangeable. However, neither is interchangeable with ourselves.
Common mistakes and exceptions
Even experienced writers stumble here. Below are the most frequent errors I correct in drafts, along with the fixes.
1. The “Between” Trap
Incorrect: “There was a lot of trust between ourselves.” Correct: “There was a lot of trust between each other” (or better: “between us”).
Why: Prepositions like between usually take object pronouns (us, them) or reciprocal pronouns if describing mutual interaction. Ourselves is reflexive and rarely follows prepositions unless the subject is also “we” and the action is reflexive. Actually, the most natural phrasing is often just “between us.” Using ourselves here is a hypercorrection—people think it sounds more formal, but it’s actually grammatically awkward.
2. The Emphatic Misuse
Incorrect: “We ourselves went to the store.” (Wait, this is actually correct!) Clarification: Ourselves can be used intensively (for emphasis) rather than reflexively. Example: “We built this house ourselves.” This is valid. But you cannot use each other intensively. You can’t say “We built this house each other.”
3. The Singular/Plural Confusion
Incorrect: “We each bought gifts for ourselves.” Correct: “We each bought gifts for each other” (if swapping) OR “We each bought gifts for ourselves” (if keeping).
Context matters: If I buy a gift for me, and you buy a gift for you, we are buying for ourselves (individually reflexive). If I buy a gift for you, and you buy a gift for me, we are buying for each other. The word each distributes the subject, but the object depends on the direction of the gift.
4. US vs. UK Differences
There are no significant differences between US and UK English regarding ourselves vs. each other. Both varieties adhere to the same reflexive and reciprocal rules. However, UK English speakers may be slightly more prescriptive about the each other (two people) vs. one another (three+ people) distinction, though this is fading globally.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I use “ourselves” and “each other” in the same sentence? Yes, if the sentence contains multiple clauses with different subjects and objects. For example: “We prepared ourselves mentally so we could compete against each other fairly.” Here, the preparation is internal (reflexive), but the competition is mutual (reciprocal).
Is “each others” with an apostrophe correct? No. The standard form is each other. While you might see “each other’s” when indicating possession (e.g., “We respect each other’s boundaries”), you should never pluralize it as “each others.” It is always singular in form.
Why do people confuse “ourselves” with “each other”? Both pronouns involve groups of people, and both are often used in social contexts. Additionally, non-native speakers may struggle because some languages use a single reflexive form for both concepts, whereas English strictly separates reflexive (ourselves) and reciprocal (each other) functions.
Is it ever correct to say “We love ourselves”? Yes, but it means the group collectively loves the group as a unit, or each individual loves themselves. It does not mean we love one another. If you mean mutual affection, you must say “We love each other.” This distinction is critical in relationships and team dynamics.
Brian Garcia has always been fascinated by the intricacies of the English language. With a Master’s degree in English Literature from the University of Chicago and over 15 years of experience in the field, Brian has dedicated his career to unraveling the complexities of word usage, comparisons, and spelling. His expertise lies in breaking down commonly confused words, helping readers gain clarity and confidence in their language skills. What drew Brian to this field was his passion for storytelling and his love for the art of communication. As a content creator for WordCompareHub, he focuses on engaging readers with insightful articles that demystify tricky word pairs and offer practical spelling tips. In his free time, Brian enjoys delving into etymology and exploring the evolution of words through history.