Quick answer: Use “themselves” when referring to one person with the singular “they” in professional, academic, or formal writing. While “themself” is logically singular and gaining traction in casual speech, “themselves” remains the accepted standard in edited English and will not trigger red squiggly lines from your word processor or frowns from hiring managers.
The singular “they” has revolutionized how we write about individuals of unknown or non-binary gender, but it created a glaring grammatical hiccup regarding reflexive pronouns. Writers constantly stumble over whether to use the plural-sounding “themselves” or the logically singular “themself” when talking about just one person. As a veteran copy editor who fixes this exact dilemma in manuscripts and corporate communications every week, I am here to give you the definitive rule so you can stop second-guessing your keyboard.
| Term | Meaning / When to use | Example sentence |
|---|---|---|
| Themselves | The standard reflexive pronoun for both plural “they” and singular “they” in formal and professional writing. | The applicant submitted the portfolio all by themselves. |
| Themself | A non-standard, logically singular reflexive pronoun gaining casual popularity but best avoided in edited prose. | The author wanted to keep the focus entirely on themself. |
When to use themselves
The rule is absolute for standard edited English: use “themselves” as the reflexive pronoun for the singular “they.” When you are writing a cover letter, a corporate memo, an academic paper, or a published article, “themselves” is the only universally accepted choice.
Our brains are wired to reject “themselves” when referring to a single person because the “-selves” suffix inherently signals plurality. It feels like a mathematical error. You are talking about one human being, so why use a plural suffix? The answer lies in grammatical agreement, not physical headcounts. The pronoun “they” demands the reflexive “themselves,” regardless of whether “they” represents one non-binary colleague, one anonymous user, or a crowd of thousands.
I see this error constantly in professional documents. Writers try to be logically precise by using “themself,” but in doing so, they introduce a non-standard word that distracts the reader. Here are three concrete examples of how this error appears in the wild, and how to fix it:
- The Corporate Email:
- Error: “Please ensure the new client familiarizes themself with the Q3 compliance portal before our Tuesday sync.”
- Fix: “Please ensure the new client familiarizes themselves with the Q3 compliance portal before our Tuesday sync.”
- Why it matters: In a corporate environment, using “themself” signals to the reader that you are either unaware of standard style guides or you are prioritizing morphological logic over established convention. In a high-stakes email to a new client, you want your prose to be invisible. “Themselves” achieves this without drawing attention to the grammar.
- The Resume Bullet Point:
- Error: “Spearheaded a remote mentorship program allowing each junior developer to pace themself through the onboarding modules.”
- Fix: “Spearheaded a remote mentorship program allowing each junior developer to pace themselves through the onboarding modules.”
- Why it matters: Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS) and human recruiters scan resumes for polish and attention to detail. A non-standard reflexive pronoun acts as a speed bump. Even if the recruiter personally prefers “themself,” the conservative standard of “themselves” guarantees you will not be docked points for poor grammar.
- The Text Message to a Colleague:
- Error: “Hey, did Alex hurt themself on the company retreat hike, or are they just taking a mental health day?”
- Fix: “Hey, did Alex hurt themselves on the company retreat hike, or are they just taking a mental health day?”
- Why it matters: Even in casual digital communication, our internal monologue expects “themselves” to follow “they.” Using “themself” in a text creates a micro-stutter in the reader’s mind, momentarily pulling them out of the conversation.
When to use themself
If “themselves” is the standard, is “themself” ever correct? The rule here is one of intentional stylistic rebellion. You use “themself” only in highly informal settings, creative dialogue, or when specifically writing for audiences that actively prefer morphological singulars.
According to Merriam-Webster, “themself” is not a modern invention cooked up by internet linguists; it actually dates back to the 14th century and is experiencing a legitimate revival in specific contexts. Morphologically, “themself” makes perfect sense: “them” is the object pronoun, and “self” is the singular reflexive suffix.
You should use “themself” in the following scenarios:
- Respecting Personal Pronouns: Some non-binary individuals specifically request “themself” as their personal reflexive pronoun because “themselves” feels inherently plural and, to them, misgendering. In direct, personal communication, you always defer to the individual’s stated preference. If your colleague asks you to use “themself,” you use “themself.”
- Fiction and Dialogue: If you are writing a novel and a character uses “themself” in their spoken dialogue, you preserve it. It reflects their specific idiolect, dialect, or personal relationship with language.
- Casual Personal Blogging: If you are writing a Substack post about your own journey with language and gender, and you prefer the logical symmetry of “themself,” you have the creative freedom to use it.
However, if you are writing a LinkedIn bio, a wedding toast, or a white paper, leave “themself” in the drafts folder. The risk of alienating a conservative reader or failing an automated grammar check far outweighs the morphological satisfaction of using the singular suffix.
How to remember the difference
The easiest way to internalize this rule is to use the Pronoun Anchor trick.
Reflexive pronouns are permanently anchored to the subject pronoun, not the number of people in the physical room. You do not look at the room to choose the reflexive; you look at the subject of the sentence.
- Subject: He $rightarrow$ Reflexive: Himself
- Subject: She $rightarrow$ Reflexive: Herself
- Subject: They $rightarrow$ Reflexive: Themselves
The “-selves” suffix is permanently welded to the word “they.” It does not matter if “they” represents one person or one million people. If the subject is “they,” the reflexive is “themselves.”
The Ultimate Editor’s Insight: The Vanishing Reflexive Rewrite
If you are still bothered by the clunkiness of using “themselves” for a single person, do not reach for “themself.” Instead, use my favorite line-editing trick: delete the reflexive pronoun entirely. Most sentences that rely on a reflexive pronoun can be rewritten to be stronger, tighter, and entirely free of the themself/themselves debate.
Look at this common piece of UX writing:
- Clunky: “The user must verify themselves before logging in.”
- Rewrite: “The user must complete verification before logging in.”
Look at this corporate policy line:
- Clunky: “Each employee should ensure they treat themselves to a break.”
- Rewrite: “Each employee should take a scheduled break.”
By shifting the verb or changing the noun phrase, you bypass the grammatical friction completely. This is a secret weapon I use in line editing to tighten prose while maintaining absolute grammatical correctness.
Common mistakes and exceptions
The most frequent mistake I encounter is the Agreement Trap. Writers see a singular antecedent like “The winner” or “The student” and panic. They know the person is singular, so they try to force a singular reflexive pronoun.
- Error: “The winner must congratulate themself.”
- Error: “The winner must congratulate himself.” (Assuming unknown gender).
The fix is to recognize that “the winner” is conceptually singular, but if you must use a pronoun to refer back to them without specifying gender, you adopt the singular “they.” And once you adopt “they,” you must adopt “themselves.”
- Correct: “The winners must congratulate themselves.” (Pluralizing the antecedent is often the smoothest fix).
- Correct: “Winners must congratulate themselves.”
When you write “Each of the students,” the word “each” is grammatically singular, but notionally, it implies a group. Writers get tangled here. They write: “Each of the students must pace themself.” This is a double error. First, “each” requires a singular verb and traditionally a singular pronoun (himself/herself), but if you are using singular “they” to remain gender-neutral, you must still use “themselves.” However, the cleanest editorial fix is to drop the “each of” construction entirely. Change it to: “All students must pace themselves.” By making the antecedent plural, the reflexive pronoun “themselves” becomes mathematically and grammatically flawless. This is a hallmark of professional editing: we do not just fix the typo; we fix the syntax that caused the typo.
US vs. UK Differences
Is there a transatlantic divide on this issue? Not in formal publishing. Both US and UK style guides lean heavily toward “themselves” for singular “they” in formal contexts. However, UK English is sometimes slightly faster to adopt morphological shifts in casual journalism and broadsheets. You are more likely to see “themself” slip into a casual opinion column in a London newspaper than in a New York legal journal.
The historical trajectory of the word Themselves demonstrates how English speakers have continuously bent and molded reflexive pronouns to fit shifting grammatical needs, proving that language is a living tool rather than a rigid cage. While “themself” is knocking on the door of standard acceptance, “themselves” still holds the keys to the publishing house.
The Legal Exception
In contracts, terms of service, and legal documents, lawyers often avoid the singular “they” entirely. Legal drafting requires absolute, unambiguous precision. To sidestep the reflexive pronoun issue completely, legal professionals will repeat the noun or use defined terms.
- Legal phrasing: “The Tenant must verify the Tenant’s identity.” They will never write “The Tenant must verify themself/themselves.” When precision is a matter of liability, repetition is preferred over pronoun ambiguity.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is “themself” a real word? Yes, it is recognized by major dictionaries and has historical precedent dating back centuries, but it is currently classified as non-standard in modern professional English.
Do major style guides accept “themself” for one person? No. Heavyweights like the Chicago Manual of Style and APA Style currently recommend using “themselves” for singular “they” or rewriting the sentence to avoid the reflexive pronoun entirely.
What if the person I am writing about specifically prefers “themself”? If an individual explicitly requests “themself” as their personal reflexive pronoun, respect their preference in direct communication, but default to “themselves” or a rewrite in general editorial copy to maintain standard grammatical conventions.
Can I just use “himself or herself” instead? You can, but it is increasingly viewed as clunky, outdated, and exclusionary. Using “themselves” is the cleaner, more modern solution for a single person of unspecified gender, and it saves you from the exhausting repetition of “he or she” and “his or her.”
Why do spellcheckers flag “themself” as an error? Spellcheckers and grammar algorithms rely on established corpora of formal published English. Because “themself” is statistically rare in published books and academic journals compared to “themselves,” the algorithms flag it as a typo or a non-standard morphological mutation.
Nathan Williams is a seasoned editor and writer with a passion for the subtleties of the English language. With a degree in English from NYU and more than 12 years of editorial experience, he has honed his expertise in spelling accuracy and the comparison of often-misused words. Nathan’s foray into language analysis was sparked by his desire to help others communicate more effectively and avoid common pitfalls in writing. At WordCompareHub, he crafts comprehensive guides and articles that discuss word usage distinctions and provide effective spelling strategies. Nathan is driven by the belief that clarity in language is key to effective communication. In his leisure time, he enjoys crosswords and participates in local word games, continually expanding his lexicon and sharpening his linguistic skills.